Here is the listener question we are answering today:
Hi Francesca! I have an ex boyfriend who loves to keep tabs on me even though we are both long moved on, why do guys like to keep up with you after the relationship ends?
You broke up. You moved on. He didn’t… exactly.
Sure, he’s not showing up at your door with roses but he is sniffing around your digital doorstep.
He likes your posts. Watches your reels. Slides into your DMs on your birthday.
That’s always the hook, babe.
And yeah, maybe you thought: Aww… how sweet.
But hold up—are you taking the bait?
It’s Not Love—It’s a Hit of Dopamine
Here’s the truth bomb no one wants to drop:
It’s probably not about love.
He may not want you back—but the idea that you haven’t moved on? That’s a whole different thrill for him. It’s an ego boost. A “just checking in” to keep you just close enough.
Let’s call it what it is B. S.
His attention isn’t a compliment.
It’s a distraction.
So the real question is:
Do you actually need or want his attention?
Time to Build Boundaries, Babe
If you’re serious about closing the chapter, here’s the play:
BUILD. THOSE. BOUNDARIES.
Want him out of your story? Then stop handing him the script.
He doesn’t get to pop in for guest appearances. Not anymore.
Because here’s the twisted truth:
Some people don’t want to be with you but they REALLY don’t want anyone else to have you either.
(Go figure.)
Curiosity and Closure
Yes, exes sometimes check in from a place of regret.
People grow. People reflect.
But growth doesn’t earn them a re-entry pass.
Your job is not to be open. Your job is to be clear.
You don’t owe them explanations.
You don’t owe them access.
You don’t owe them a front-row seat to your comeback story.
Here’s the Real Power Move
Ask yourself this:
If I knew he was watching… would I change how I’m living?
If the answer is yes, then babe, we’ve got work to do.
Not for him. For you.
Because your peace depends on this one thing:
Your ability to close the door… and mean it.
Your “Love Bites” Tip of the Day:
My favorite quote(no idea who it belongs to)
“Say it with conviction—and live to tell the tale.”
You don’t need eyes on you to prove your worth.
You were magic before, during, and after him.
Don’t you dare forget it.
So to the woman asking, “Why does my ex keep tabs on me? “Here’s the answer:
It doesn’t matter.
What matters is why you’re still looking back.
Let him watch.
But don’t let him distract you.
He’s a spectator now.
You’re the main act.
Put your energy where it counts on the people who show up, not the ones peeking from the sidelines.
Let’s Talk About It
If this hit home for you, I want to hear your story.
Email me at info@talkwithfrancesca.com.
We’re talking all things boundaries, breakups, and bouncing back.
And as always, don’t just take the bite…
Savor the lesson.
With love & tough truth,
Francesca
